The coat of your brain
has grown too tight. Take it off
and feel your freedom.
I watched a heartfelt movie last night called “Lighthouse of the Orcas” (Netflix). It’s a story of an autistic boy who is coaxed into the world through the relationship of a man and the orcas who saved him. As the movie ended, contemplating on the disembodied state of autism, I had the thought ‘what if I’m dead and just don’t realize it and everything I’m experiencing, including my perceptions of my body and people in my life are merely projections of what I’m holding onto?” I could feel the infinite worlds draw tangibly closer but still just out of my reach.
As I went to sleep I noticed my mind running in an unusual way. It was as if it was running on its own, spinning and spinning thought after thought of unfinished desires, broken agreements and gut-wrenching loss. As I realized it wasn’t listening to me , I wondered if its blind running was also something I carried with me out of the body. As I checked myself I knew this wasn’t what I wanted. With another part of my mind I began to chant “God is love”. As I synchronized my breath with the mantra, I could feel the wheels of my mind slowly shift gears from one frequency, a frequency of great discomfort, to the calm knowing of my greater being.
Perhaps I will encounter that powerful, disembodied churning of the mind again. Perhaps not. But I know I feel greater compassion now for those locked in themselves, with no seeming way out. No ability to find their way back to love. The riddle of the heart has so many layers for so very many. I’m grateful that I know when I see the ripples of resistance on the waters of others, the wind is also near, filling the emptiness with the whispered promise of ‘choose again’, ‘one can always choose again’.
To simply move to willingness is an act of greatness.